A Room Can Speak the World, Without Saying a Thing

Not your typical room. It seemed empty, tall ceilings with empty walls. First impression was a lasting impression. This class and this room were shortly going to become my worst nightmare. The computers screamed late nights and lots of papers. I suddenly realized that failure to listen to my gut instinct (that was telling me to run) could result in a lower grade point average this semester. However, I thought about one thing as I sat in the white-walled, maroon chaired, computer infested room; I thought “This is my chance, my opportunity to immerse myself in the unknown, to battle something I have long tried to avoid and become a much better student than before.”

Defining

My entire life has constantly consisted of defining who I am. Who I am as a person, where I stand in a person’s life and how I’d like to be remembered. I refuse to be considered average, and just become another passer-by in someone’s life. Virginia Tech, my dream school, the only place I ever wanted to be was considered a school far out of my grasp, a school who wouldn’t accept me as my SAT scores and GPA just did not measure up to the university’s standards. I decided to take a chance, a leap of faith, and shoot for something others claimed unattainable.

Virginia Tech saw me for me, and in that instant I no longer had to try to define and prove whom I was to those I felt had failed me. I never had the option of taking an honors class in high school, let alone an advanced placement course. After taking the SATs three times my scores did not improve, all that much. Despite the lack luster numbers Virginia Tech looked at me as a person and all that I had to offer and was willing to give me a chance of attending this prestigious institution. I owe the university my hard work and dedication, they took a chance on me and I am not one to disappoint. I have at times failed in my life, but look where failure has gotten me thus far. It is hard to see past the present and focus on the future, the here and now takes precedents above all else; I was able to persist past failure and work hard to get where I sit today. I accept failure, not light-heartedly, but I can accept it and move forward, however, what I cannot accept is giving up. I really thought that college was not an option for me when I first arrived at Virginia Tech; I was failing tests, my family and most of all myself. The easy option – to run and never look back, but as quitting slowly started to consume me, I understood that hard work, persistence, perseverance and above all else the will power to continue was truly what defined me.

Memoir

Ignore the killer fatigue, all the unpleasant effects of the constant stress, the headache, the personal issues of the day and pull it all together. I've got a surgical procedure to implant and ICD in an eleven year old at 7:30 AM. It requires a sure, steady hand, perfect focus and pure concentration. Make no mistakes. Got that 9 AM follow-up consultation with the 16 year-old girl and her parents explaining all the implications of her Long QT diagnosis. Will need to put on my game face and encourage the young patient and her family to see beyond the grim aspects of the disease and find some silver lining here. Try to describe how her "new" life won't be all that bad - good luck. Say all the right things - make no mistakes. Skip lunch again to be able to visit and evaluate a dozen very young and very sick children as promised. Display the big smile and happy face, try not to cry and show lots of optimism. Try to figure out how to best make their lives longer, happier, healthier, better. Choose the right therapies, prescriptions, and procedures - make no mistakes. Return all phone calls to PCPs and little patient's parents. Be kind, compassionate, caring, and patient. Eat lunch/dinner/vitamins. Forget about the sadness and helpless feelings and fall asleep so I can do a better job tomorrow. 


To dream, by definition, imaginative thoughts indulged in while awake (dictionary.princton.edu). I dreamt that someday I would wake, put on my white coat, and save the lives of thousands. I would make a difference in children’s lives but in families lives. After I conducted extensive research I discovered that only seven percent of students that apply to medical school get in (aamc.org). Instead of taking life as I go, I tend to construct my life ahead of time. When listing the pros and the cons of what my chances were to attain my medical degree I soon concluded that I was living in a dream that was anything but a reality.

I sit alone in my room, studying hard, adamant to never miss a class, but still continue to fail almost every exam. Feelings of dejectedness and heartbreak slowly consume me. I was tired, I was tired of studying, I was tired of crying, and most of all I was tired of failing. At this very moment the easiest thing for me to do is quit and walk away. I am thinking about running and never looking back. Being here, at Virginia Tech, is the only thing that I ever really wanted, and now the thoughts of not wanting it anymore where crossing my mind, could that be possible? I was struggling enough, slowly watching my dreams of becoming a doctor slip through my fingers, and now my entire college career was being swept away with it. I am 584 miles from home, from family, from anything or anyone remotely comforting. I slowly started picking up a textbook and immediately felt the sadness over come me, soon I could no longer read the words, as the liquid tears filling up my eyes, made everything a blur, soon there after my tears were slowly starting to hit the pages dropping fast and hard, like torrential downpours in April. First the words were becoming illegible, then the page in its entirety. I am losing my self; I am little by little losing who I am. The tears continually falling filling up the book as if it were an empty bucket.

The greatest thing about coming to college is that no one knew me; I could be whom ever I wanted to be. Know one had to know that in high school I got cut from the cheerleading team or that I was the girl who was the butt of everyone’s unruly jokes. I could be anyone, anybody I wanted, and not one person had to know, unless I wanted to open my heart and let him or her into the past I longed to forget. It was up to me to create my identity, my image and my reputation as a Hokie. I could learn from mistakes, make independent decisions and wisely chose how I wanted to live my life

If I have learned anything from Virginia Tech since I have been here it is that unless you try, and fail, you may have always wondered, you may have always asked “What if?”. I had to reach out and expand my horizons, only to find out that what I was once good at in the ninth grade was very different than what I excelled at now. I was able to push my way through and work hard to make it through the first semester only to discover that this was something not meant for me, something I may have never really wanted in the first place.

Today is the day I walk away from it all I get all the signatures and I am trying something new. Today is the day that I am taking a leap of faith, turning over a new leaf and forgetting what I once thought I knew. I am so nervous, maybe this is a mistake or could this possibly be the greatest opportunity for me to explore new things, and expand my knowledge far beyond the world of sciences? It is not easy admitting to myself that I was wrong, but I understand that it is ok to make mistakes and it is okay to be unsure. So today is the day that I sign off on something new.

Sometimes in life we feel as if our dreams, the only thing we had ever hoped for are shattered. That is not to say that great opportunities do not arise from them. I have learned so much from the time I have been here at Virginia Teach. I discovered that what I thought was exactly what I wanted, was anything but. I got a chance to experience something much different then before, and I liked it, in fact I loved it. When I signed the paper to leaving the college of science I thought I could potentially be making a mistake, a huge mistake. This semester is something new, different, intriguing and a breath of fresh air. I miss the thought of what could have been, but I love the thought of what is still yet to come.

The important thing to realize that hard work and struggle is not only worth it but filled with satisfaction and gratitude when finished. If everyone could just look ahead and see the finish line it is that silver lining that somehow gives you hope of a better tomorrow.

Column: Officials should be more open as anxiety increases on campus

The recent deaths of Virginia Tech sophomores David Metzler and Heidi Childs should come as a complete and utter shock during this first week of school. The reported deaths occurred about 12 miles from campus in northern Montgomery County. Both students were found together, shot to death.

That same day, all Tech students were notified via the VT Alerts system to be on the lookout for a man between 25 and 35 years of age who had been seen masturbating in the lounge of a dorm here on campus by a female Tech student.

The man confronted the student when he called out in an attempt to get her attention. To us all as individuals, as members of the Tech student body, as residents of Blacksburg, surrounding towns, the distinguished state of Virginia and as citizens of the United States, we should all be in complete and utter shock - but I'm afraid we're not.

Following the acts of April 16, students, facility and parents were told that security would be increased to ensure a much safer campus. The police staff was increased, all dorms were equipped with limited access - allowing only residents entry to dorms. A system known as VT Alerts was instituted to send critical warning e-mails, texts and voicemails to students and family members, and 201 electronic message boards were installed that would instantly warn those in class in the event of a dangerous situation in classrooms.

Tech has declared a safer environment for us all, so why do so many of us still feel apprehensive? As students, we continue to receive e-mails from President Charles Steger encouraging all students to "be vigilant" and "be aware of your surroundings." While this is always good advice, at the same time it can't help but increase already high levels of anxiety and general uneasiness.

While I understand that Tech has made a sincere and gallant effort to improve security on campus, still I find myself looking over my shoulder as I walk between classes or toward my car. When in my apartment, I not only bolt-lock my door but now chain-lock it as well. I carry pepper spray on my key ring and no longer enjoy the walk from bus stop to apartment in the evening.

I am not alone. My roommates, classmates and neighbors share similar feelings and worries. It is critically important that the Tech administration, the Virginia Tech Police Department and Blacksburg and State Police Departments open a dialogue with us all so we can begin to understand what is happening, what has happened to cause this fear and to answer our questions.

Are the events that happen on campus here a normalcy, following the normal trend of violence on college campuses around the globe? Or have the recent security enhancements failed? What now appears to be a steady stream of criminal acts involving aggression and violence in and around campus has worked together to discourage and desensitize our community. This is unhealthy and a step in the wrong direction.

We need the help of the administration and law enforcement authorities to communicate with us all and set a healthy course and to answer the question: How safe is Tech?